


you and i are gonna live forever

by dingletragedy



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, Getting Back Together, M/M, Teen Romance, estranged lovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-20
Updated: 2019-02-20
Packaged: 2019-11-01 08:52:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,762
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17864270
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dingletragedy/pseuds/dingletragedy
Summary: robert meets aaron when he's 16, the world and his dad against him, but aaron never once leaving his side. that is until he moves to scotland, leaving aaron with a broken heart and 5 years of misery.due to unfortunate circumstances, robert has no other choice but to move back home, will he be able to win aaron back or is 5 years too late?





	you and i are gonna live forever

**Author's Note:**

> for anon who prompted "i'm never leaving you again" 
> 
> this is the first fic i've posted that's longer than a drabble so i'm slightly shitting myself, but i hope at least one person enjoys!

At twenty-five, Robert Sugden’s life is suddenly turned upside-down, not only has he lost his job but he’s also been kicked out of his one bedroom flat in central Scotland, leaving him with no choice but to return back home.

 

Robert was tempted to use the very last of his pay on a flight out to Spain, in the hope his Nan would put him up for a while, that way he wouldn’t have to deal with a bruised ego and a sea of disappointed faces back in Emmerdale. Because as things were, everything in his life was going to shambles.

 

In his 5 years away Robert had gained a degree in Economics from the University of St. Andrews, and the experience of working in Burger King for two years. 

 

Admittedly Burger King wasn’t ever his dream job, not by a long stretch of the imagination, but finding a post-grad job wasn’t as easy as Robert had once anticipated, and he’d been desperate for the money. 

 

That being said, he’d of much preferred to stay working at Burger King for his entire life than have to return home. 

 

It’s a shame he got sacked, really. 

 

But it wasn’t Roberts fault is boss what a dickhead, was it? If there’s one valuable lesson he’d learnt at that hell-hole, it’s that tyrants help build you - but they don’t mind throwing you away.

 

He’d miss Scotland, the people more than anything. He’d met some amazing people - made friends for life he’d say. He’d even had a couple of girlfriends along the way, boyfriends too, but nothing ever stuck. 

 

He couldn’t stick with anyone long enough for the relationships to become serious because he always found himself comparing them to him. 

 

_ And nothing ever compared to him.  _

 

—

  
  


It takes Robert almost an hour to actually get moving. His feet seem to have a mind of their own, slipping on the pedals until the car stalls again and again. He can barely keep his fingers wrapped around the wheel with the way they’re trembling.

 

Once he’s on the road, the journey seems to fly past, he sees the sign before he wants to.

 

_ Emmerdale Village - Four Miles _

 

And it only intensifies the fear bouncing around in his stomach. 

 

He’d phoned Vic last night, pleaded his case, but as it happened, he didn’t have to do too much pleading at all - his sister ecstatic at the idea of have her older brother stay with her. 

 

He hadn't seen Vic in such a long time, not since his graduation two years earlier . They’d spoken on the phone once a week religiously, but it wasn’t quite the same, was it? 

 

He steers off the concrete road and onto the gravel driveway. Every bump and lump of it feels familiar, somehow, bringing with it a steady trickle of memories he’d been hoping to avoid.

 

He sits on the driveway of Keeper’s Cottage - the place Vic had made her home. He could’ve never imagined any of the Sugden children living anywhere other than the farm, but when their Dad passed away a couple of years ago he reckons they all lost that sense of home it once provided for them - Vic and Andy more so than Robert. 

 

He takes one last deep breath and cuts the engine. It’s now or never. 

 

Vic’s on him before he’s even got both feet in the door, smothering him like he’s just returned from war and not bloody university.

 

“Oh Robert, I can’t believe you’re finally home,” The smile on her face is bright enough to make Robert think this was a good idea. 

 

For all of three seconds, that is.

 

Because Vic just has to go and mention Aaron, doesn’t she?

 

“Aaron and Adam are just upstairs, they’re stopping for tea.” She says, voice so casual Robert wonders if he misheard her.

 

“Aaron?” Robert questions, panic consuming his entire being. 

 

“Yes Aaron, you know - that lad you were completely in love with before you broke his poor heart.” Vic mocks, no heat behind her words. 

 

“Don’t Vic.” Robert hisses, and Vic must pick up on the pain laced in this voice, or the heartache playing on his face, because her smile drops almost instantly, eyes wide with concern. 

 

“I thought you were over that? I thought you’d found yourself a leggy blonde? Izzy, wasn’t it?” 

 

“Didn’t work out.”

 

“Oh,” Is all Vic has to say, and Robert knows she understands.

 

\--- 

 

_ There was a quiet knock on his door, the sound of nervous feet shuffling outside.  _

 

_ “Come in, Vic,” Robert had called out, his voice sounding hoarse even to his own ears. _

 

_ Vic peers her head around Robert’s bedroom door, she isn’t surprised to see the room basked in darkness - Robert’s red and blotchy face the only thing visible to her eyes.  _

 

_ “Sorry I just - well - I could hear you crying, are you okay?”  _

 

_ “Not really,” Robert states honestly.  _

 

_ “Why? I thought you were excited about Uni? It’s alright if you’ve changed your mind on going, you know” She just wants what's best for her Brother, wherever that may be. “Dad won’t be angry” She emphasises. They might try to shield her from it, but she’s more than aware of the rift between the two of them.  _

 

_ “It’s not - it’s not that.” And Robert has no idea where his sudden openness has come from, but he could really use someone to talk to right now.  _

 

_ Vic perches herself on the end of Robert’s bed, places a comforting hand on Robert’s thigh and gives him the strength he needs to continue.  _

 

_ “It’s Aaron. He hates me” _

 

_ “Aaron could never hate you Rob, he’s your best mate.” _

 

_ “He’s not”  _

 

_ “Isn’t he?” Vic questions, crease in her brow. _

 

_ “He’s so much more than that, Vic.”  Robert says, voice cracking with emotion, tears spilling once again. _

 

_ And Roberts scared - of course he is, he’s never come out to anyone before, but when Victoria scoops him up in her arms and tells him she loves him no matter what, he forgets all his fears and worries for a while, and basks in the acceptance and love  _ _ of his little sister.  _

 

\---

 

Roberts stood in Vic’s kitchen motionless because he knows he can’t face seeing Aaron - not yet. 

 

But Vic’s amazing isn’t she? Because she’s made him his Mum’s cottage pie, topped with extra cheese. There’s a glass of champagne on the side and Robert has to laugh, because the pair of them are more alike than either of them would ever admit. 

 

She should be dancing the night away like most 20 year olds do - not sat babysitting her older brother. 

 

She reminds him so much of their Mum - kind words and a heart bigger than her body. 

 

He’s so proud of her - he really is. 

 

He can’t help feeling guilty for all the missed years, all the times he should’ve been there to see her smile, see her cry, see her succeed.

 

Robert reckons he deserves an award for Worst Brother In The World.

 

And that’s why he stays. He can’t run off, not again. He’ll face Aaron, whatever it takes. 

  
  


—-

  
  


It’s barely another ten minutes before Robert hears the sound of loud footsteps descending the stairs, giggles that sound like they should be coming from children, not grown men.  

 

But Robert barely has time to prepare himself before Aaron is stood in front of him in the kitchen doorway, face full of shock. 

 

And God, he’s still gorgeous isn’t he?

 

He wants to say something, anything, but he’d came up short every time. 

 

His heart feels heavy, his tongue has turned to rough sand inside his mouth.

 

“Robert?” Aaron questions, there’s a hint of disbelief in his voice, a hint of something happy - something hopeful. But it only last a split second, before it’s replaced with a cold look on his face, that same look that was burnt into Robert memory five years ago, not leaving him since. 

 

And for a second he thinks Aaron is about to bolt out of the door, wouldn’t blame him if he did. 

 

“What are you doing here Robert?”

 

“I - didn’t Victoria tell you?”

 

“No. She didn’t” Aaron snaps, harsh glare directed in Victoria’s direction. 

 

And she at least has the decency to look guilty. 

 

“This is stupid, isn’t it. I shouldn’t have -” Robert starts.  _ Shouldn’t have come back, shouldn’t be here, shouldn’t still be so damn in love with you. _ And suddenly Robert was the one who wanted to make a run for it. 

 

Only Aaron interrupted him, “No, please stay - I - I mean - well it smells like Vic made your favourite,” And Robert can’t decide whether to smile or cry at the fact Aaron still remembers all these little things about him. 

 

Or maybe it was just a wild fucking guess. 

 

Maybe it was just wishful thinking.

 

The next thing he knows Aarons pulled a chair out in front of him, gesturing for Robert to take a seat. 

 

And he always was a gentleman, wasn’t he? 

 

Aaron takes his seat opposite Robert with Adam to the side of him, who’s sending Robert daggers across the table every time Vic turns her head. He supposes Adam is more than aware of what a massive twat Robert is then.

 

Vic kept the a calm atmosphere, filling awkward silences with the seemingly hundreds of questions she had for Robert. 

 

Robert was answering the best he could, but he can hardly take his eyes off of Aaron, can he? 

 

He looks too good to be true, a far cry from the troubled teenage boy who had Robert’s pulse racing. 

 

And if Robert tries hard enough he can pretend they were all teenagers again; Robert escaping the family dinner and sneaking an extra helping of cottage pie in his rucksack to share with Aaron in the barn. 

 

\---

 

_ Robert was 16 when he first fell in love. It wasn’t at all what he expected. He’d expected long hair and gentle touches - instead he’d got gelled curls and calloused hands.  _

 

_ But with that he’d been granted the largest heart Robert had even know.  _

 

_ He’d always imagined bringing someone home to his family, much like Andy did - a new girl on his arm every other week. But in exchange all Robert had got were stolen moments. Stolen moments in the form of whispered kisses, wet eyelashes, and fragile hearts.  _

 

_ But Robert wouldn’t have changed it for the world.  _

 

_ Wouldn’t have changed Aaron for the world.  _

 

_ :: _

 

_ Aaron was 14 when he met the love of his life. _

 

_ He’d run away from home only a short few months previously and was adjusting to village life, when this blond haired boy, all shabby hair contradicting poncy shirts, had turned his life upside down. Yet again.  _

 

_ He’d fallen for Robert hard, fast and unexpectedly. _

 

_ Robert’s laugh became Aaron’s laugh. Robert’s tears became Aaron’s tears. Robert’s heart became Aaron’s heart.  _

 

_ And for some bizarre reason Robert was infatuated with him.  _

 

_ They were inseparable, much to the annoyance of their families.  _

 

_ The Dingles and Sugdens were much like the Montagues and Capulets, forming a friendship was forbidden, so God forbid their families found out what they were really up to.  _

 

_ As they years went by, they remain inseparable, they did their best to make it so, but life seemed determined to get between them.   _

 

_ Determination in the shape of Robert’s Dad and Aaron’s crippling fear. _

 

_ In the few years of bliss they had, they spent long days together, wreaking havoc in the village. But they knew they had to be subtle about the hidden side of their relationship, neither boys ready to face their deepest fears just yet.  _

 

_ They’d spend hours huddled away in one of the abandoned farm barns - it was theirs. A place that wasn’t tainted by anyone else. A place they showed their love for each other in the most intimate of ways.  _

 

_ Another of their favourite spots was down by the brook. Summer evenings were spent soaking up the last of the days burning sun, throwing pebbles into the water and listening to the likes of Oasis’ Live Forever, the lyrics flowing out of Robert’s tinny speaker, ringing true to the pair of them. _

  
  


_ Maybe you're the same as me _

_ We see things they'll never see _

_ You and I are gonna live forever _

  
  


_ And in the moment of time, a naive 14 year old Aaron believed him and Robert really would live forever.  _

 

_ But as it turned out even 'forever' has an expiration date. _

  
  


_ \--- _

  
  


Aaron doesn’t see Robert again until the next morning. He’d eaten his tea in almost silence, letting Vic and Robert’s chatter fill the room. 

 

He couldn’t find it in himself to join in the conversation, too shocked at Robert’s appearance to form coherent thoughts or sentences. He’d spent years waiting for this day, the day he’d be reunited with the love of his life, but once the day was here, Aaron wasn’t so sure what he wanted anymore. 

 

Because that’s what Robert was, wasn’t it? The love of his life. He’d always known, but it was only solidified for him once Robert had left, once he tried to move on. Tried and failed. No matter how many different boys he snogged, not matter how many new numbers he had in his phone, no matter how many times he found himself waking up in a stranger's bed.

 

No matter what he did, he couldn’t help but long for Robert.

 

It was pathetic really.  

 

So he’d eaten his collage pie and scarpered, no longer able to deal with the war in his head or the tug on his heart. 

 

The next time he sees Robert he’s about to make his way inside the cafe, and it only makes Aaron hate himself.

 

Because no matter how angry he was, and God he was angry -  _ nothing but anger and hurt and desperation had consumed him for the past five years _ \- he couldn’t help but think how fit Robert looked.

 

He’d aged gracefully, grown into himself - he hadn’t changed at all, not really. He still had the same blond locks, that same bashful smile, and the same awful shirts covered his broad shoulders. But he looked older, more sure of himself - happier. 

 

And Aaron was so consumed by everything all of a sudden. 

 

So consumed that he hadn’t noticed Robert make his way towards him, and before he could register what’s happening, he’s following Robert into the cafe with a promise of a strawberry milkshake for old times sake. 

 

Aaron chooses the table in the corner, tucked away from prying eyes, he reckons they’re going to need a bit of privacy for this conversation. 

 

Robert places the milkshakes between them, one strawberry and one chocolate. He supposes somethings never change. 

 

The thick milkshake tastes bittersweet in his mouth.

 

Aarons thankful when Robert breaks the silence, “So, how’s things been?” Is all he has to say, and it takes everything in Aaron not to roll his eyes. 

 

“Yeah. Good.” He replies shortly.

 

“Good? Is that it? It’s been five years Aaron.” 

 

“And who’s fault is that?” 

 

“Alright, maybe I deserved that,” And when he doesn’t get a reply from Aaron he wills himself to push on, “I’ve missed you.” He says truthfully. 

 

“Missed me so much that I haven’t had so much of a text from you in what? Four years?” 

 

“I know - and I’m sorry Aaron - more sorry than you’ll ever know.” Robert takes a deep breath and Aaron can appreciate that maybe this is hard for him too, “I tried texting you Aaron, calling too, and I don’t even want to think about the number of drunk voicemails I left you, but after a few months of silence it became too hard. I couldn’t keep doing it to myself. I didn’t even know if you were receiving them.” 

 

“I was,” Aaron tells him, he’s shuffling awkwardly on his seat, fingers tearing at the paper napkin in front of him, “I got them all Robert, but they were just making things harder. I was trying to move on you know.” 

 

“I know,” Robert speaks softly, “But I’m here now, I’m back Aaron.”

 

“Yeah and it took you five years!” Aaron says, defences back up.

 

“What does it matter?” asks Robert. God, he can’t - can’t believe how overwhelmed he’d been at that time, and now he’s brushing it off like it doesn’t matter, like he hasn’t spent 5 years regretting his decision to leave Aaron behind.

 

“What does it—“ Aaron starts, but his voice gives out. There’s a tremor in it, and Robert can hear him breathing now, hear every heavy inhale and shaky exhale. “It fucking matters, Robert. Because I’ve spent five years hating myself, hating you. And do you know what the worst part was?,” Aaron asks, doesn’t give him the chance to reply, “I’d of never stopped you following your dreams - never! If you’d of just been honest with me we could’ve worked it out, we could’ve had that happy life you promised me. Together”

 

And Robert couldn’t hate himself any fucking more than he does right now. 

  
  


\---

  
  


It’s nearing 8pm when Robert receives a text from Aaron. It’s the first time he’s seen Aaron’s name flash up on his phone for five years, the butterflies take flight from his stomach and spread all over his body.

 

_ Meet me below the bridge in 5 x _

 

And Robert knows he shouldn’t read into the single kiss on the end too much, but he can’t help it.

 

And God, he feels like a teenage girl.

 

Aaron is already there when he arrives, he’s wearing a purple hoodie, just like the one he used to have and it takes Robert back to a place he isn’t ready to think about just yet. 

 

“Hey,” he says softly, and Aaron stops skimming stones for a second to look Robert up and down. 

 

Robert blushes under the attention.

 

He notices it almost straight away, the carving on the tree behind he, he walks over and takes it in. 

 

“Sometimes I still come and sit down here,” Aaron says with a sadness in his voice, “That was such a good day,” he says, gesturing to the carving that Roberts currently running his fingers over. “We couldn’t stop smiling, do you remember that?”

 

He doesn’t turn to face Aaron, keeps tracing the wonky heart. 

 

“We laughed the whole way through,” Robert confirms, picking his own corner to explore, remembering the way Aaron had cried with laughter as Robert smacked the tool they’d stolen from his Dad right into his thumb, “Or more accurately, you wouldn’t stop laughing at my expense.”

 

“It seems so long ago,” Aaron says. It’s even quieter this time, barely a whisper. 

 

“I know, but I remember it like it was yesterday.” Robert says truthfully.

  
  


_ \--- _

 

_ It was an early summers day, Robert had just turned 17 - he’d been spending all his time focusing on passing his driving test and studying for his dreaded exams. He’s been neglecting Aaron a little, they were both aware of that.  _

_ So he’d given himself the day off with the plan of cheering Aaron up. They’d wound up down by the brook again, of course they had.  _

_ They’d spent what felt like hours throwing twigs and sticks from the bridge into the water below, racing against each other, seeing who got to the other side first.  _

_ It was later in the day when they were sat under a tree, sheltering themselves from the blinding sun, when Robert had an idea.  _

_ He’d left Aaron with a chaste kiss and a fazed look on his face.  _

_ That was until he returned twenty minutes later, with a pocket knife and screwdriver in hand.  _

_ He proceed to carve his and Aaron’s initials into the tree, enclosing them in a big, loopy, uneven love heart.  _

_ They’d laughed and smiled and fallen more in love with each other than humanly possible.  _

  
  


\---

  
  


“I’ve missed you too, you know?” Aaron announces, breaking the stillness that had descended over the pair. He’s still throwing pebbles at the water, not meeting Robert’s eye. 

 

“Really?” 

 

“So much, Robert.” 

 

“I thought you might hate me more than you missed me?” Robert questions tentatively.

 

“I was so angry Robert, and I was hurting, more than ever before, but I could never hate you. God knows I love you too much for that.”

 

And it’s enough to knock the breath out of Robert.

 

“Love?” Roberts asking, voice laced with fear, the inch or so between them seeming miles long. 

 

“I never stopped,” Aaron confirms, and Robert, well he can’t help a stray tear making its way down his face, splashing in the fresh grass between them, disappearing in in the soil beneath. 

 

“Aaron,” Robert pleads breathlessly. 

 

But he’s cut short when Aaron leans over and place a hand on Robert’s face. 

 

Robert holds his breath, the anticipation almost too much.

 

A lifetime seems to pass before Aarons leaning impossibly closer, their breaths mingling as one, his lips only a hair's breadth away, hovering as his warmth curls around Robert's cheek.

 

Suddenly Aaron’s lips are in his, it’s slow and soft and everything that’s been missing from Robert’s life for the last few years.

 

Aaron’s too.

 

Aaron’s kissing him with abandon, with every last ounce of love that he's got to give. He closes his eyes, and gets lost in the achingly familiar sweetness of those lips - as if their lips never once left each other. But at the same time it feels so new, so exciting, so fragile. 

 

And suddenly Robert’s sixteen again, his back against the rough bark of a tree, Aaron's soothing softness plastered all over his front, his lips attached to the sensitive spot on Aaron’s neck. He's seventeen again, waiting for Aaron after his class, pulling him behind the bike shed and tugging at his blazer. He's twenty again, and kissing Aaron goodbye for what he's sure is the last time.

 

He’s twenty five and Aaron’s kissing him for the first time in five years. 

 

All too soon Aaron pulls away, looks into the depths of Robert’s eyes, and God has Robert missed those eyes, eyes that are sparkling with something that makes Robert’s stomach flip.

 

And Robert, well he wants to promise Aaron the world, but he won’t do that. Not again. 

  
  


\---

  
  


_ When Robert turned 18 he’d brought his own car, a horrendous gold volvo that Aaron wasn’t sure would get them 4 miles down the road, nevermind all the way to Brighton.  _

 

_ But by some miracle it had.  _

 

_ They’d snuck off, both leaving a brief note to let their parents know where they’d gone, they figured it would be easier to get away without a fuss, but they didn’t consider quite how ugly the fall out would be when they returned.  _

 

_ It was worth it though - they needed time away from the village desperately, time away to be themselves _

 

_ Mornings were spent walking along the windy beaches hand-in-hand, not a care in the world, followed by eating a sickening number of sweet treats at one of the infamous pier cafes, Roberts sugar addiction being fed in the form of brownies and waffles. _

 

_ They’d spent afternoons in the family friendly casinos - Aaron’s pocket money only lasting the one day - Robert determined to win him the cringe-worthy keyring on the 2p slot machine, making Aaron vow to keep it forever.  _

 

_ In the evenings they’d go to the same fish and chip shop, scraping together enough cash for some food and two cans of coke. They’d take their food down to the beach, sit upon the rock and share sea salted kisses between mouthfuls of greasy chips.  _

 

_ The nights were spent holed up in their tiny hotel room, walls mouldy and air damp - but they didn’t care about that - not when they had each other. They talked long into the nights, hushed voices sharing dark secrets and brighter hopes. Under the covers those hushed voices turned into low moans, fingers wandering over pale skin and lips covering every inch of long bodies.  _

 

_ They were exactly where they wanted to be. It was the last night that changed things forever, or so Aaron was led to believe. _

 

_ “I wish we could stay here forever” Aaron admits to Robert, long over the embarrassment of being madly and deeply in love.  _

 

_ “One day,” Robert states, his breathe warm against Aaron’s face under the blanket cocoon they had made themselves.  _

 

_ “Yeah, I wish…” Aaron replies sounding almost hurt - as if Robert had been mocking him.  _

 

_ “No, I’m serious Aaron. I leave college next year, and you’ll be done with school for good. We - we can move down here - I can get a job with my a-levels, easy,” Only Aaron’s not sure it is that easy, but he doesn’t dare bursts Robert’s bubble of sheer excitement just yet, “And - and well - you’ve got some experience working in the garage right? I’m sure there’ll be plenty of mechanic apprenticeship opportunities - and then we’ll save up for a flat, and we’ll get to spend every night just like this. For the rest of our lives”  _

 

_ “Don’t Robert - just don’t,” Aaron says tiredly.  _

 

_ “Don’t what?” _

 

_ “Get my hopes up just to have them shatter in front of me.”  _

 

_ “I’m being serious Aaron,” Robert explains, “But maybe I just read all this -” Robert gestures vaguely between them “- all wrong.”  _

 

_ “No of course you didn’t ya idiot. I love you Robert. So much. And all of that, well it sounds like something plucked straight from my dreams. But we can’t”  _

 

_ “And why the hell not?” Robert shouted, extracting himself from the cocoon, from Aaron. Aaron had felt the lack of Robert almost immediately, a chill seeping deep into his bones. _

 

_ And Aaron doesn’t have an answer to that. _

 

_ “You really think we could just up and leave? Run away together?” Aaron questions, making his way towards Robert who was stood looking out of the window, blanket still draped over Aaron’s own back.  _

 

_ “What do we have to stick around for Aaron?” _

 

_ He made a good point.  _

 

_ “Yeah, okay then.”  _

 

_ “Yeah?” Robert  questions, voice laced with disbelief.  _

 

_ “Yeah” Aaron confirms, unable to contain the wide grin breaking out on his face, a laugh bubbling from him, filled with excitement and anticipation.  _

 

_ “But only after you’ve finished your exams, stuck around to receive your results. You’ve worked so hard for the last two years Rob - you can’t mess that up for me.” Aaron told him, breaths mingling between them.  _

 

_ Robert placed his hand softly on Aaron waist, pulling his flushed body again his on naked one. _

 

_ “I promise”  _

 

_ Their foreheads met in the middle, noses bouncing off each other and they wore matching blinding smiles.  _

 

_ Aaron had lifted both of his hands to wrap around Robert’s neck, the blanket cocooning them once again.  _

 

_ And Aaron supposed they should draw the old-lady style curtains before they give the whole of Brighton a free show. _

  
  


\---

  
  


He doesn’t see Robert the next day, reckons it's probably best - needs time to get his head straight. 

 

Needs to decide what to do next. 

 

They text constantly throughout the day, just like they used to, and it should worry Aaron how easy this is - as if the last five years never happened at all. Aaron wishes they hadn’t. 

 

And he promised himself he wouldn’t do this, wouldn’t fall at Robert’s feet. But he’s not in control of his own heart, is he? No. Robert is. 

 

He can’t do it again, he can’t let Robert go. He doesn't want to. He won’t. He’s just enjoying making Robert sweat for a while. 

 

He deserves it after all. 

 

He hasn’t heard from Robert for a couple of hours when his phone screen illuminates once again. 

 

_ Can I take you out? Saturday night? X _

 

And Aaron’s never been one to turn down free food.

  
  


\---

  
  


_ It’d been nearly a year after that life-changing trip to Brighton when Robert did exactly what he promised he wouldn’t do - crush all of Aaron’s hopes and dreams.  _

 

_ Robert had texted him, asking him to meet in one of the old farm barns, their barn. No explanation, no clue, no kisses.  _

 

_ That was enough to put a gnawing feeling in Aaron’s stomach.  _

 

_ There’s also the fact he was aware Robert and his Dad had been arguing more than usual, disagreements over Robert’s future at the forefront of most fights.  _

 

_ He’d caught Robert scrolling through a ‘Top 10 Universities in England’ article only last week, but he’d fobbed Aaron off with some pathetic excuse - and Aaron, well he hadn’t stopped thinking about it since.  _

 

_ He’s not stupid, he knows how to connect the dots.  _

 

_ He was expecting the text if he’s honest.  _

 

_ When he gets to the barn Robert is already there, perched on a hay bale, a piece of straw caught between his fingertips.  _

 

_ And God does he look gorgeous - it’s the height of summer and the long hours working on the farm had given him a golden glow, profound freckles adorning his face.  _

 

_ “Alright?” Aaron asks, trying to keep his voice cool, emotionless.  _

 

_ “Yeah, you?” And that’s all it takes for Aaron know realise that this, whatever is is, is going to be bad. _

 

_ Because by this point Robert is usually all over him, apparently he can’t go so much five seconds alone with Aaron without pouncing on him.  _

 

_ But now - now he can’t even meet his eyes.  _

 

_ “I um - I’m - well the thing is - I - it’s just -” Robert stutters out nervously.  _

 

_ “Oh for fuck sake Robert spit it out,” Aaron says impatiently. He doesn’t want to drag this out, he wants Robert to rip the plaster off quickly, maybe he won’t feel the pain for so long that way.  _

 

_ “I’ve been accepted for a university course.” Robert says, teeth worrying away at his bottom lip.  _

 

_ “Where?” _

 

_ “Scotland.”  _

 

_ Aaron huffs out an angry sigh, “Wait - you - you said accepted?” _

 

_ “Uh yeah” Robert replies, crease in his brow at Aaron’s sudden confusion.  _

 

_ “So when exactly did you apply?” _

 

_ And Robert seems to think it’s best to say nothing at fucking all.  _

 

_ Except it’s not because the next thing he knows Aaron’s screaming at him, face red with anger.  _

 

_ “I SAID WHEN DID YOU FUCKING APPLY ROBERT?” _

 

_ Robert cowers away from it, from the sounds of betrayal and heartache. “A few months ago,” he admits, voice quiet, unsure if Aarons heard him.  _

 

_ Only he has because he’s laughing coldly, the sounds tearing Robert’s heart straight down the middle.  _

 

_ “And was this before or after we made all those plans for our future together?” And Robert wishes Aaron would sit down, but instead he’s furiously pacing the length of the worn down barn, a fire in his eyes that scares Robert to death. _

 

_ “It was after Aaron I swear - I - I wouldn’t of made all those promises if I didn’t really believe in them Aaron.”  _

 

_ “Broke them anyway, didn’t you?” Aaron despairs.  _

 

_ And Robert doesn’t think he could feel any guiltier right now. Because this runs so much deeper for Aaron, doesn’t it? It steams in the broken promises his Mum made and continues through to the betrayal of his boyfriend. Of Robert.  _

 

_ “I’m so sorry Aaron, sorrier that you’ll ever know. But I have to do this, for myself. It’s not to impress my Dad or Andy, but because I want to. I want to build a good life for myself.” _

 

_ “You’re unbelievable, you know that? You don’t give a shit about anyone but yourself,” And Robert recognises the disappointment in his voice, shakes him to his core.  _

 

_ “I care about you Aaron, so fucking much.”  _

 

_ But Aaron’s not interested in hearing what Robert has to say is he? Probably can’t hear him over the sounds of his own heart breaking. _

 

_ Roberts never hated himself as much as he does right now.  _

 

_ “We can still make this work Aaron. You can come to visit all the time - and  - and I’ll have my own place won’t I? Heck, it’ll be easier to get a bit of privacy up there,” Roberts saying in an attempt to lighten the mood.  _

 

_ Only it doesn't have the desired effect because Aaron’s face doesn’t waver once. _

 

_ “Do you have any idea how much a train to Scotland costs Robert? We might as well just quit while we’re ahead. It might be less painful that way.” His voice sounding false, even to his own ears, as if all the fight has suddenly drained from his body. It has.  _

 

_ “Don’t - don’t you dare say that Aaron - I’m not - I can’t quit us. Please”  _

 

_ “You had a decision Robert, and you chose to lie to me over and over again. What makes you think I’d want to stay with you anyway?” _

 

_ “Because you love me, I know you do,” Robert says, sounding so sure of himself - and he is sure of himself - he knows because Aarons told him so every day for the past two years.  _

 

_ He can’t bear to never hear Aaron say those three words again.The thought alone has tears tracking their way down Robert’s face. _

 

_ “Yeah, I do love you - I’ll always love you,” Aaron reassures, “But this - this is never going to work Robert - it’s better to face it now.”  _

 

_ “No.” Robert pleads.  _

 

_ “Have a nice life Robert.” Aarons saying coldly, making his way to the exit of the barn.  _

 

_ And it’s all Robert can do to run after him, catching his wrist in his fingertips just before he reaches the door.  _

 

_ “Please Aaron, please don’t leave me - I’m begging you Aaron - please don’t leave me,” He’s saying, and Robert doesn't usually do begging but he’s not above anything right now.  _

 

_ “I’m not leaving you Robert. You’re leaving me” And Aaron can’t stop the tear spilling over now, not when he’s faced with the reality of never seeing Robert again. _

 

_ He attempts to wriggle out of Robert’s hold but it just spurs him on further, wrapping a delicate hand around Aaron’s neck, forcing their eyes to meet.  _

 

_ He brings their foreheads together softly, until their impossibly close, tears splattering onto Robert’s shirt - unsure of whether they’re Aaron or his own. Or a mix of both.  _

 

_ He knows he shouldn’t, he knows he should let Aaron go, but he can’t do that, not without one last kiss.  _

 

_ He brings his lips to Aaron’s, setting the pace excruciatingly slow, trying to pour all his love and devotion into that last kiss.  _

 

_ Their goodbye kiss.  _

 

_ But Robert doesn’t want to have to kiss Aaron goodbye, that was the trouble, he wanted to kiss him goodnight, and there’s a lot of difference.  _

 

_ He supposes he has no one to blame but himself.  _

 

_ He extracts himself from Aaron’s warmth, closes his eyes against the pain etched on Aaron’s face.  _

 

_ “I’m leaving on Thursday, meet me here at eight in the morning, please.” Robert had pleaded before Aaron walked out of the barn - his face red raw and adorned with tear tracks.  _

 

_ The irony of it all ending exactly where it had begun, the hard floor him and Aaron used to spend hours rolling around on, is enough to have Robert falling to the ground, violent sobs wracking his body.  _

  
  


\---

  
  


Saturday comes around far too quickly for Robert’s liking, his nerves getting the better of him as he’s trying on the seventh outfit of the night. Vic was supposed to be helping him choose but she’d understandably lost her patience after the fourth outfit change in just as many minutes.

 

He wanted, no needed, tonight to be perfect. If he fucked this up again he wouldn’t be able to live with himself. 

 

He wanted this to be a night Aaron wouldn't forget anytime soon, but rather one he’d remember -  both from the past and in the future. 

 

Which is why he’d found himself booking a table at the burger place they used to spend their teens years slurring sugary drinks and scoffing greasy food in. 

 

He’d picked Aaron up at 8 eight on the dot, wearing fitted jeans and a white buttoned shirt, a single rose in hand. 

 

He’d knocked on the back of the Woolpack door, more than gutted when Chas answered - who unsurprisingly who a few choice words for him. Robert and Chas had never really got on. They’d both wanted what was best for Aaron, but those two things never seemed to match up. 

 

He felt like he was picking his date up for prom, not taking a 23 year old Aaron out on a date. 

 

The night had gone better than Robert could’ve ever expected; there were no awkward silence, just laughter. No harsh words, just softly spoken ones. No salty tears, just beer infused kisses. 

 

One thing had lead to another, and after a few too many cocktails on Robert’s behalf, they’d found themselves tucked in the back of a taxi, fingertips dancing around each other, thighs pressed together - a far cry form the two scared, ashamed teenage boys they’d once been. 

 

And Robert, well he’s bashful with it.

 

By the time they reach the woolpack back door, they’ve already decided that Robert is coming in. 

 

Aaron fumbles with his keys, the cool summer air seeping into his fingers, he drops them by Robert’s foot - who leans down and picks them up for him.

 

What he sees makes his heart skip a beat. 

 

“You kept it? All this time? Roberts asking, standing on wobbly legs, eyes transfixed on the keyring in question. It’s the keying Robert had won for Aaron on the slot machine in Brighton all those years ago. Sure it’s worn down, the ‘I love you’ is nearly unintelligible - but Robert means it all the same as he did back then.

 

Maybe even more so. 

Aaron’s lips turn down in a frown, and he drags his eyes away from the keyring. He looks up at Robert, a red blush creeping up his neck, a shy smile of his own flashing on his lips.

 

“Don’t be soft, forgot it was even there,” Aaron lies - he needs to keep at least a fraction of his street cred.

 

Robert shakes his head with laughter, and pushes Aaron through the door.

 

He’s mindful to keep the noise down as the creep up the stairs, one hand placed delicately on Aaron’s waist as he leads him up. 

 

Everything he touches feels familiar – he’s done enough sneaking around in the dark to know exactly where Aaron’s room is - just by the wrinkles in the wallpaper, the creaks in the floorboards. 

 

He doesn’t look at the walls, the shelves, anything other than the bed, he doesn’t want to see what’s changed. To see what he’s missed. 

 

It’s when they’re in the comfort of Aaron’s bedroom - door shut behind them - that he does what he’s been aching to do for five years - he kisses Aaron senseless. He hasn't had a kiss like this in years. Not since it was last Aaron on the receiving end, holding him around the waist exactly the way he is now. 

There have been a lot of things he's had to re-learn since he came back, a lot of things that felt alien because it had been so long.

Kissing Aaron wasn’t one of them.

And loving him isn't either.

 

—-

  
  


Aaron’s hand are tugging at Robert’s belt and Robert’s alive with it.

 

He’s so caught in this bubble that he can’t help those three little words tumbling out. 

 

“I love you, Aaron Dingle.” He pants breathlessly between kisses.

 

Only Aaron stills. He freezes and Robert’s mind goes into overdrive. 

 

Aaron’s hands find their home on each side of Robert’s face, a warm pressure grounding him.

 

“And I love you, Robert Sugden,” 

 

And Robert decides that if it was humanly possible, he’d burrow himself into Aaron. Never leaving again. 

 

“Come to bed,” Aaron whispers against Robert’s lips. 

 

And who is he to deny the man he’s been denying himself of for so long. 

  
  


\---

  
  


It’s in the dead of the night that Robert dares to make Aaron a promise. 

 

Neither of them had succumbed to sleep yet, both exhausted and sweaty but Robert couldn't bring himself to sleep. He wanted to treasure every moment here with Aaron.

 

Aaron was in currently lay on Robert’s chest, his fingertips drawing patterns, connecting the dots of Robert’s freckles.

 

The soft huffs of warm breath stop for a second, and Robert worries that Aarons changed his mind - that he can’t forgive Robert after all. 

 

That is until Aaron speaks, “Promise me this is for keeps Rob, that you aren’t just going to up and leave me again,” Aaron says, insecurities seeping through. 

 

"I'm never letting you go again," Robert says with confidence. 

 

He’s never been so sure of anything in his whole life.

  
  
  
  
  
  


  

**Author's Note:**

> well done if u made it this far and thanks for reading!!!
> 
> i'm dingletragedy on tumblr come say hi x


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